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Thursday, 13 November 2014

Made me laugh

A snippet

"Welcome systemd
systemd revolutionizes how your computer gets hacked.
systemd turns your Linux computer, into pretty much a Windows/Mac computer.
systemd becomes the gatekeeper, the middle man, the controller, the boss, of most if not all essential aspects of your computer.
  • systemd takes over your syslog. systemd decides what will get logged, and what will not. “Don’t worry” they will tell you. If you prefer your old text file syslog you can just enable that, and then you can get a filtered syslog appearing on your hard drive if it makes you feel more comfortable.
  • sheep
  • At bootup, your scripts can no longer ask for passwords for your disk encryption. You must type your password into systemd. Passwords safe and sound with systemd.
  • Speaking of sound, systemd will conveniently manage all your input devices, your microphone, webcam, keyboard and mouse. Full surveilance going on inside the wonderful systemd.
    “But where will the data go?” you ask… Not to worry, systemd solves that.
  • systemd log is a big opaque binary blob. You can’t see what’s in it yourself… But don’t worry, you just ask the systemd log reader to tell you what’s inside, and systemd will show you exactly what you are supposed to see, nice filtered results. Welcome to Windows. I mean the new Linux.
    “But the logs can only build up for a while, they surely have to go somewhere?” systemd has you covered
  • systemd manages all of your sockets itself. it takes control of all of your computer’s communications.
  • With one common layer of communication inside systemd, once your systemd has been exploited it will be able to do anything and everything on your entire computer without you knowing about it.
  • systemd developers already tried flooding the kernel (created a problem) and submitting a kernel patch (supplied the solution) so that the kernel would silence certain debug information while systemd is running if you try debug your kernel. Linus rejected their patch, for now.
So you can see that systemd just hacks you better.
Now your PC can turn into an invisible surveilance/drone. All on your free Linux.
Now for the grand unified hacking. Through social engineering and carrot on a stick, temptation of a few silly features that nobody really needs, or could have implemented in other ways (socket activated services, multi-seat support, 1 second bootup etc, security features imposed on non-systemd programs, *yawn*) every distro will kneel down before systemd. The grand unified Linux exploit platform.
Every distro will receive the same systemd security backdoors updates.
They will ask you:
“Show me one technical security flaw in systemd!!! If you can’t then it MUST BE totally SECURE!!! :)”
Pure insanity. That’s like saying show me a technical security flaw in windows, or in OpenSSL, or any of the other thousands of pieces of software that have been hacked. And if you can’t produce an instantaneous example of an undisclosed security flaw, then it MUST BE flawless.
Of course there is a lot of resistance to systemd right now. But the fools will all install it. And after it’s running everywhere, more backdoors can easily be patched into the vast majority of Linux systems. Just like every other vulnerability the developers will say “oops, I accepted the code without checking carefully enough, I’m not such a good programmer.”
Automated control of invisible drone computers.
You’re safe now, with systemd

So what are you waiting for? Install your systemd today."